I have always loved the saying “People don’t drown because they fall in the water. They drown because they stay there.” We all know that one person who always in trouble. They are surrounded by chaos and all they do is complain about how terrible life is. It took me years to get to this point, but I say let them drown.

Many years ago I had a working relationship with a very well know psychologist who had worked with many A level celebrities. She gave me the best piece of advice. She noticed that I was expending a lot of energy on this one particular client. She asked me why I was working so hard? I told her that they needed my help. She said yes, but you cannot work harder than your client. Wow! Simple, but true. I, like so many other people, had the best intentions. However, intentions don’t help people. Actions do.

I now both in my personal and professional life work off the 3 times principle. If you come to me and ask for help, and if I do my very best in terms of creating a safe space, giving advice, or simply listening to you, and you haven’t taken any actions, I’m going to let you drown. And it’s not because I don’t love you and want to help, but you clearly are not ready to put the work in.

We see this in the addictions recovery world all the time. Simply sit in any Al-Anon or other family support group dealing with addictions and see how this principle plays out. Sometimes in order to save or reach someone, you have to let them hurt. And while this is painful to see family, friend or client in pain, we cannot work harder than them.

I don’t think anyone one of us want to turn our backs on someone who is hurting. But, there comes a point when all of your efforts are falling on deaf ears. If someone is sincerely trying, then yes, by all means match their intensity to work this problem out. On the other hand, if they stay in a less than healthy situation, cut the rope and offer up prayers. But move on.

I am not talking about someone who is battling cancer and is not getting better. I am talking about the person who continues to go back to the abusive relationship, after their entire support system has exhausted all of their energy and resources to help them. I’m talking about the friend who is on their 3rd DUI and is calling you to bail them out, despite not having paid you back, let alone go to rehab, for the last one. I’m talking about that friend who is always broke, yet lives way beyond their means, and is asking you for money to keep their utilities on.

It doesn’t make you a bad person to have boundaries. It doesn’t make you a bad person to say no. Think in terms of the principle of 3. Because if they don’t understand the problem, or have tried to fix it, you are an enabler and are not helping them. You know the whole “Give a man a fish and he eats today. Teach him how to fish and he eats a lifetime.”

Lying in the bed in need of sleep but without the peace of it. Hurting and cursing the tears that refuse to stop falling. Begging a broken heart not to drag the pain of love lost into a day that has no sympathy for the weak. Who do you call when you don’t want to be told to move on when you’re in love? So easy to tell some one that has no fight left in them that the pain of losing the love of their life will cease if they just stop looking back. That advice doesn’t work until love says so. It’s not water, you can’t just turn it on and off. How in the hell do you pull the plug on love when it’s very much alive? In others eyes you are the epitome of a fool. Hypocrites. They’ve gone through the same thing and no one could tell them to let go.
The hardest part about going through love’s rejection is trying to figure out how to protect your heart. It’s easier said than done because you remember every minuscule thing about the person you wish you didn’t have to lose. What they said, how they said it, their kisses, embraces, their smell, facial expressions, body language, rather they had a cold heart or were charismatic, their future plans, and most importantly how you were supposed to fit in their lives. How dare them treat you like you were temporary when you thought you were a keeper.
No sense in pretending to be over them because the memory of them will keep resurfacing for a very long time. The pain of losing the person you love feels like some one is ripping your heart out of your chest. Dealing with the need to see them is also excruciating. Especially when you want them to say breaking up was a mistake. Hope hangs around because to not hope means it’s over and that’s a pill that’s just too bitter to swallow.
Only time can heal an embattled heart. The mind is selfish because it hangs on to what should be forgotten. Why doesn’t the heart and mind get on the same page it could take some of the ouch out of the equation. When all’s said and done the heart’s trying to fight back, but the mind is stubborn and won’t stop relishing in incredible memories that will never be again.

There are numerous escort agencies out there, which makes it overwhelming to opt for one, especially if you are just starting out. Actually, an escort is a professional that you can hire to be your personal assistant on tour or trip. We suggest that you be careful when choosing an escort. Some of them work independently while others work for an agency. So, it’s better to choose an agency instead. Given below are a few tips that can help you choose the best agency. Read on.

Evaluate Your Needs

First of all, what you need to do is make an assessment of your personal needs. Actually, your specifications should be realistic. To avoid frustration, you may want to be familiar with the ground realities.

Once you know what type of person you want to spend time with, make sure you choose one. In other words, you should know your preferred character type, looks, body size, race, and age limit.

Set your Budget

You also need to know your budget prior to hiring a boy or girl. Aside from this, you may want to set a budget based on how many dates you are going to choose. Some people keep changing escorts during their holiday or tour. So, you should set a budget based on your needs.

It’s a good idea to compare prices quoted by different agencies. This will help you opt for the right service based on your set budget. Also, you may think about giving an awesome tip to the escorts that go out of their way to serve you, and don’t cause any mishap. It’s important to note that these escorts don’t forget good clients and will serve you even better next time. You will get an amazing treat each time.

Consider the Reputation of the Provider

When searching for a good agency, we suggest that you benefit from a reliable website that offers a directory. It’s important to keep in mind that budget agencies don’t seem to attract good escorts as they don’t know the importance of power marketing.

Often, they are too reluctant to find out about the offers that they can benefit from. In fact, good escorts will always work for an agency instead of working as independent freelancers. So, the reputation of the service provider matters a lot.

Read Reviews from Real Customers

Good agencies tend to provide required information about different escorts on their official websites. The sad reality is that some agencies don’t use fake photos and descriptions on their sites. The photos are not of real people. Therefore, we suggest that you read the reviews left by the previous clients of the service provider. This can help you find out if the agency is real or fake.

Long story short, if you are going abroad on a trip, we suggest that you hire an escort to ensure you don’t get bored during the trip. And for choosing the right one, we suggest that you use the tips given above. This will help you make the best hire.

When someone can express who they are their life is going to be far more fulfilling than it would be if this wasn’t the case. Here, one will be able to listen to themselves and they will be able to allow what is going on within them to come out.

This will enable them to authentically connect to others, which will make it possible for them to experience real intimacy. Their relationships are then not going to be shallow; they will be full of depth.

The Odd Occasion

Still, this doesn’t mean that they will always express themselves, with their being moments when they will see that it is not a good idea for them to do so. During a time like this, they might see that it is better for them to keep certain things to themselves.

For example, one may have tried to get through to someone in the past, only to see that it is not possible. Consequently, they will be more selective when it comes to what they say to this person and they may even do what they can to limit the amount of time that they spend around them.

Getting Away

This doesn’t mean, however, that one won’t feel comfortable around this person; it is a more a case of them not wanting to deal with unnecessary dramas. Thus, while they could be more open with this person, doing so won’t solve anything.

If they were to end up in the company of someone who was emotionally unstable let’s say, they could soon feel the urge to leave. It will then be clear that spending time with someone who wants them to be constantly on edge is not going to interest them.

At The Root

Being around someone like this is then going to cause them to feel uncomfortable; it could be as if a warning sign has been put up in front of them. In addition to feeling uncomfortable, they will have the drive to get away.

What this will show is that their body is responding in the right way and that they value themselves enough to do what is best for their wellbeing. Behaving in this way will undoubtedly save them a lot of trouble.

Expansion

When one is around their friends and even their partner if they have one, they will be able to relax and to expand. One will then be able to reveal their true-self and they will be able to grow in their company.

Ultimately, one will be free to be, and it could be said that this is the best way to experience life. To experience life in any other way is simply going to cause one to limit who they are and it will stop them from being able to evolve.

Another Reality

Experiencing life in this will be the norm for some people, while for others; it won’t even cross their mind. When it comes to someone like this, their life is going to be totally different.

They are then going to live on the same planet as someone who experiences life differently, yet it could be as if they live on another one. What this likely to mean is that they have a number of people in their life who are emotionally unpredictable.

Treading Carefully

When one is around someone like this, their focus is likely to be on what is taking place externally. Instead of their attention being divided between their inner and outer world, then, it will be in one place.

This is going to be a time when they won’t be expressing who they are; they will be making sure that they don’t say or do anything that might result in the other person losing it. What is going on in their body during this time can end up being a mystery.

One Purpose

Their own needs will be put to one side and their priority will be to do what they can to meet the other persons needs. The outcome of this is that their true-self is not going to see the light of day, with them playing a role instead.

Clearly, spending time around people like this is not going to allow them to expand or to grow; it will simply cause them to retract. But, while cutting their ties with these people might be the best thing for them to do, this might not even occur to them.

A Closer Look

On one level, being around these people is going to undermine them and it make their life a misery and, on another level, it could be what feels comfortable. As a result of this, there will be no reason for them to get away from these people.

The reason this feels comfortable can be due to what took place during the beginning of their life. At this stage of their life, they may have had at least one caregiver who was extremely emotionally volatile.

An Unpredictable Environment

One wouldn’t have been brought up in a war zone, but it could have been as if there was a war going on in their home. For no apparent reason, this caregiver could have lost it, and this may have meant that they were physically and/or verbally abused on a daily basis.

This would have been incredibly traumatising for an adult, let alone a child; the big difference is that as they were a child, it wouldn’t have been possible for them to do anything about it. Being hypervigilant and in survival mode would have been a way for them to try to prevent the unpreventable – their caregiver’s outbursts.

The Fall Out

What should have been a time in their life when they were able to develop a strong connection with themselves and to feel safe in their body, ended up bring a time when they lost touch with their inner world and felt as though it wasn’t safe for them to exist. These experiences would have had an effect on their mind and body.

At this age, one would have needed this person to help them to regulate their inner world, not for them to try to regulate an adult’s inner world. It is then not going to be a surprise if one is unable to handle their own emotions as an adult.

Awareness

It is highly unlikely that the behavioural therapy approach would work here; one will most likely need to work through the trauma that is within them. This is something that can take place with the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

For whatever reason, one may have just broken up with their partner, which could mean that they are not in a good way. Perhaps one is experiencing a fair amount of sadness, along with feeling depressed from time to time.

There could also be moments when one ends up getting angry and is even consumed by rage. Either way, it is going to be a challenge for them to experience inner peace at this point in their life.

A Different Outcome

Alternatively, one could be relieved that their relationship has come to and this can mean that they don’t have trouble embracing the present moment. This doesn’t mean that they won’t ever feel sad, though.

The big difference is that what has taken place won’t have had a big impact on their inner world. This can then allow one to make a fairly smooth transition from one stage of their life to another.

The Reason

What this can show is that this person was not in a relationship that was very fulfilling. One would have come to see that their time together had come to an end and this will make it easier for them to put this phase of their life behind them.

If one was in a relationship that wasn’t very fulfilling yet they are not in a good way, it can be a sign that something else is going on for them. Perhaps they were carrying a lot of emotional pain before they got into this relationship and therefore, the end of the relationship has brought it up to the surface.

Another Scenario

Then again, if one does feel fine but their relationship was going well, it could show that one has disconnected from their pain. One can then believe that they are fine, as can the people in their life, yet this will be an illusion.

And, if ones relationship was going well and they are in a lot of pain, what they are going though will be perfectly normal. They will have experienced loss and this will have caused them to experience grief.

A Process

It is unlikely that they will be able to think their way out of what is going on; what they will most likely need to do is to feel their way out. This is then going to be a time when they will be surrendering to how they feel as opposed to trying to change how they feel.

Embracing how they feel, and allowing themselves to cry out the pain that is within them, will almost certainly help. If they are a woman it might be easier for them to do this than if they are man, due to the fact that is often more acceptable for a woman to express her emotions.

An Interruption

No matter what one is going through at this time in their life, they might end up hearing from their ex. This could be a time when their ex will basically ask them if they would like to get back together.

Conversely, a mutual friend could end up asking them if they would get back with their ex, after their ex has asked them to find out. This could be the last thing that they wanted to hear or it could be something that they are only too happy to hear.

The Next Step

If one is not interested in getting back with their ex, it may be easy for them to make this clear and for their ex to get this message. Their ex will then leave them alone if they respect them and have good boundaries.

At the same time, after having been asked this, one could end up feeling confused, not knowing what to do. What this is then likely to show is that they are experiencing inner conflict.

Self-Reflection

One thing that they can then do is to think about what their relationship was like before and if they want to experience more of the same. If they were in an abusive relationship or even one had had run its course, there is going to be no reason for them to restart the relationship.

If it was going well or there was only a minor problem, then it might be a good idea for them to get back with their ex. Along with thinking about what their relationship was like, it will be important for them to tune into themselves.

Self-Awareness

By tuning into what is taking place within them, they will be able to see what parts of them want to go back and what parts don’t. If they find that there is a strong pull in their chest to go back with them, it could show that they feel abandoned.

In this case, their need to get back with their ex can be more about avoiding how they feel than being with someone who they truly want to be with. Being with their ex can then allow them to feel better in the short-term but it won’t serve them in the long-term.

Awareness

What this illustrates of how important self-awareness is when it comes to making a good decision. Without this, someone can end up making a decision that they will end up regretting.
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If one can see that they are in a lot of pain and it is not possible for them to handle this pain, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

What can’t be denied is that no one is their own island; human beings need each other. This is why it has been said that although some people say that they are independent, this is nothing more than an illusion.
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Therefore, while it might be hard for them to accept it, it doesn’t change the fact that they are interdependent. When someone can accept this, and doesn’t believe that there is anything wrong with needing others, their life is going to be a lot easier than it would be otherwise.

A Small Part

While their five senses can create the impression what they are separate from others, they will realise that they are part of a system. So, in the same way that it will take thousands of components for a car to work, there will be many different elements that allow them to live their own life.

And, if these elements started to disappear, it would be only too clear how reliant they are on other things. Through accepting that they are interdependent and that they need others, there will be no reason for them to try to do everything by themselves.

Lightening the Load

Now, there will be times when one has a lot going on and simply wants to open up to another person. During these times, it won’t be necessary for another person to give them advice or to tell them what to do.

This will then be an example of the saying, ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’. This saying perfectly encapsulates how vital it is for someone to extend themselves to other people.

Two Sides

Along with one reaching out to others when they are not at their best, there will be what happens when they have other needs to fulfil. This can be what takes place when they have the need to experience intimacy.

Once again, they won’t feel as though there is anything wrong with them having this need. As a result of what is taking place for them, they might end up looking for someone to start a relationship with.

Close Connections

At the same time, one could have a number of people in their life that they can hug and share their thoughts and feelings with. Being in an intimate relationship is then not going to be the only way for them to connect at a deeper level to another person.

If they want to spend time by themselves and to recharge or reflect, for instance, they will be able to. Yet, if they want to spend time around others and to recharge that way, they will be able to do so.

The Ideal

When someone experiences life in this way, they are going to be less likely to suffer in silence. No matter what takes place in their life, they won’t have the need to keep it to themselves or to make out that everything is fine, even if it isn’t.

In other words, one won’t need to go against their own nature by trying to do everything by themselves and, thereby, to deny the fact that they need others. However, while living in this way will allow them to live in alignment with their own nature, there are going to be plenty of people who don’t live in this way.

A Radically Different Life

When someone goes against their own nature and doesn’t feel comfortable reaching out to others, they are likely to be carrying a lot of weight on their shoulders. There is going to be a lot of mental and emotional baggage for them to handle by themselves.

This doesn’t mean that they will never reach out for others; what it means is that this will be the exception as opposed to the norm. Their needs are unlikely to be seen as normal; they will most likely be seen as something shameful.

One Big Challenge

Thus, regardless of whether they are not in a good way or if they want to experience intimacy, they might rarely do anything about it. Due to being this way, they could spend a lot of their life feeling overwhelmed and as though they are running on empty – that is, of course, unless they spend a lot of time being emotionally shut down.

What they may or may not realise, is that they are living in the wrong way. Perhaps one has lived in this way for as long as they can remember, causing them to believe that this is just how life is.

The lesser of two evils

In addition to feeling as though there is something wrong with their needs, they could also feel this way about themselves. Consequently, reaching out to others is not going to be something that is seen as pleasurable, it will be seen as something that is painful.

Reaching out to others, or even thinking about doing so, can be something that causes them to experience a lot of shame. Not reaching out to others is then going to cause them to experience pain on the one hand, but on the other, it will stop them from being overwhelmed by shame.

A Closer Look

If someone experience life in this way, what it can show is that their caregivers were not very responsive to their needs. Their early years would then have been a time when their caregivers didn’t have the tendency to respond in a positive manner to their needs.

When they expressed a need, they may have generally been ignored, rejected and/or put down. This would have gradually caused them to give up and to disconnect from their needs, and to not only believe that their needs were bad, but that they themselves were bad.

Awareness

The time in their life that should have allowed them to form a strong connection to their fellow human beings was then a time that caused them to disconnect from them, with them having an experience of being ostracised by the very people who were supposed to embrace them. This important connection wouldn’t have developed, setting them up to suffer.

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, it will be (surprise, surprise), essential for them to reach out for external support. Through the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance, they will gradually be able to heal their wounds and to accept, at a deeper level, that there is nothing wrong with them or their needs.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

There are a number of things that can cause a relationship to come to an end, and some of these things receive more exposure in the public eye than others. For example, it is not uncommon to hear about someone who had an abusive partner and how this caused their relationship to come to an end.
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Along with being in an abusive relationship, there are those who were in a relationship with someone who continually cheated on them. Now, while this is what some people out there have been through, there are undoubtedly people who are going through these kinds of things right now.

Hidden

If one is in a relationship with someone who is abusive, they are likely to know about it (that is unless being treated in this way is normal and, therefore, doesn’t stand out). However, if one is in a relationship with someone who is having an affair or who routinely cheats, they might not be aware of it.

One can then believe that they are in a relationship that is going well, only to have a partner who is sharing their body with other people. Their lack of knowledge of what is taking place is going to save them a fair amount of pain, at least in the short-term.

A Matter of Time

But, sooner or later, they are bound to get an idea about what is taking place. They might see something that makes it clear that their partner is straying, or they could just sense that something is not right.

What they do at this point can depend on a number of different factors. If one is a fairly strong and confident person, they could end up talking to their partner directly about what is on their mind.

Another Approach

Alternatively, they could be so caught up in their idealised version of their partner that they are unable to fully accept what is taking place in front of their eyes. Putting up with what is taking place is then going to be painful, but it will be even more painful for them to come to terms with what is actually going on.

Perhaps one doesn’t feel very strong on the inside, which has caused them to see their partner as the centre of the world. Their eggs are then all going to be in one basket, so to speak, setting them up to be emotionally dependent on their partner.

A Complex Dynamic

What this illustrates is why some people just put up with their partner cheating and don’t do anything about it. In this case, they won’t even try to resolve what is taking place; simply putting up with their behaviour.

On the other side of this, of course, is the big question about why someone would continually stray. There are a whole host of reasons as to why someone would behave in this way.

One Reason

There are hundreds of listicles out there that go into the different reasons as to why this takes place. If these common cited reasons are put to one side, it will create the space to become aware of another reason that is often overlooked.

What needs to be brought to the table here is that even though human beings look like one person from the outside, it doesn’t mean that they are one person on the inside. On the inside, they can have many different selves within them, with a different self taking over at different moments of their life.

A Closer Look

So, let’s say that there is the self that shows up when one’s relationship is going well and another self that shows up when it isn’t going well. The first part could be able to experience self-control, while the other part might have no self-control whatsoever.

When this second part shows up, their impulses could end up taking over, making it more or less impossible for them to resist what is taking place. Yet, if this part of them has taken over, they might not want to resist.

Inner Disharmony

Once this part is no longer in control of them and they are able to think clearly, they might end up being overwhelmed with guilt. It might seem as though they were possessed by something, vowing never to behave in this way again.

The days or weeks could pass, though, and they could end up doing the same thing all over again. It is then going to be clear that trying to fight this part of them is not going to work; another approach will be needed.

A Divided Self

In addition to the different selves that are within them, there is going to be the part of them that is aware, the part that simply observes. The self that takes over and causes them to lose control, for instance, can be the result of early childhood trauma.

One may have had an experience that was too painful for them to handle, and how they felt would then have been pushed out of their awareness. Their experience would then have been split-off in order for them to handle the amount of pain that they experienced.

A Lack of Integration

But, even though this part of them was split-off all those years ago, it is still exerting its influence over their life. There will then be times when this split-off part is like a piece of paper that is blowing in the wind and is nowhere near them, whilst there will be other times when it will be on their face, preventing them from seeing clearly.

All the time that this part, along with all the other parts, is within them, it is going to be a challenge for them to act like a conscious human being. It will be normal for them to act in ways that are destructive to themselves and others.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer, for instance.

Teacher, prolific writer, author, and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand nine hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

Once again, it is the Christmas season, which means I have to put up with people offended by everything, particularly that pertains to Christmas.

When I was young, we had a little saying, “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you.” And as far as I understand, we stood by that saying.

Most people today have never heard that saying and maybe somebody ought to educate them on some of the realities of life. If words are hurting you, something is wrong with “you.”

Everybody is offended by something. I am offended by people who are offended by things I say, which makes no sense whatsoever to me.

Where people got this offend-itis disease is beyond me. I wonder if there is any cure for this kind of disease?

I was in the restaurant the other day and behind me, a person sneezed. Instinctively, I turned around and said, “God bless you.”

Of course, I was not ready for the reply when the man said to me, “I’m an atheist don’t you dare use that word ‘God’ around me.”

I am a gentleman otherwise I might have been tempted to say something like, “Well, then, God curse you.” Thankfully, I did not say anything like that. I wonder if unspoken thoughts really matter along this line?

What puzzles me is why somebody who does not believe in God is offended by the word “GOD.” The fact that he was offended by that word tells me that somewhere deep inside of him he believes there is a God. Otherwise, it would never have offended him.

If I was an atheist and someone said to me “God bless you,” I would laugh it off because I do not believe in God. To be offended by something you do not believe has to be the epitome of stupidity.

Another offensive phrase is, “Merry Christmas.” I happened to mention this to a person I was passing in the store and they looked at me kind of Scrooge-like and said, “Don’t you dare wish me a Merry Christmas.”

I would like to know why two words like “Merry Christmas” are offensive to anyone?

Being an amateur wordsmith, I like to research words and try to find out their original meaning. There is no way I have found that the two words “Merry” and “Christmas” have anything whatsoever offensive to them. Those offended by those two words have a chimney that is not smoking.

If you are offended by those two words, maybe you should consider the fact that I may be offended by you being offended by those words. What offends one person does not make any sense to someone else. This is America so keep your offending attitude to yourself.

Just the other day I was going into a store and there was a lady behind me, so as a gentleman, I opened the door for her and said, “Ladies first.” I would have a hard time understanding the offensiveness of those two words.

The lady looked at me and said, “That is the most sexist thing I have heard all day.”

I have been trying to find out what is sexist about those two words.

I am either homophobic (whatever that means), racist or sexist. I do not know if I am all of these things at different times or what. I never know if I am one of these until somebody tells me I am one.

There are Christmas songs that we cannot play on the radio anymore, movies that we cannot watch at Christmas time, decorations that we cannot put outside our home anymore.

I heard recently that the song, “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” is offensive to some people. I have listened to that for years and cannot figure out the offensive side of that song.

What’s crazy to me are those offended by that song are completely okay with some female singer getting on stage barely clothed, singing a depravity soaked song with lustful lyrics you can’t use in public.

Why is that okay and not sexist, but when I open a door for a lady and say, “Ladies First,” that is sexist?

Some people refer to this as the war on Christmas. If that is true, I believe those people are losing that war. No matter what anybody says or thinks I still will celebrate Christmas, wish people “Merry Christmas” and say, “God bless you” when somebody sneezes and open a door for the ladies.

If those things offend people, I am happy and most delighted to keep doing them.

For years now, there has been a war on Christmas, but it seems that Christmas comes every year at the same time. Isn’t that simply amazing? No matter what people say or how offended they are by it, Christmas still comes.

I could think of quite a few things that would offend me. However, I have a thick skin and a tender heart. My life is not depended upon somebody being offended.

This is a poem for my daughter, really any one of the three of them, and my son, but inspired by that time a daughter doubted her worth.

It starts out imagining that first race she won – the X chromosome sperm that beat all the other X and Y chromosome sperm in that infinitesimal race.

She is one in ten-million already, as every human being is:

~

You my dear won the race,

you did it my dear; your sweet face,

your first challenge, was to beat the rest,

that’s why, my dear, you are already the best!

~

When we first discovered that you were on your way,

our excitement, truly indeed, we could not keep at bay,

ever since then, you’ve been our impassioned choice,

and there’s nothing better now than to hear your bubbly voice.

~

Your life for us, every day of it, has always been good news,

even though we understand not all of it you would choose,

and even if we tell you, again and again and again,

we understand just why you find this life’s a drain.

~

Yet having said all that, please don’t be unaware,

that we still wish to shower you with all our loving care,

without despairing despondency take life a day at a time,

it’s the only way through a life you must hope to climb.

~

The older we get, the more we cannot fail to see,

how verily enriched, because of you, our lives have come to be,

so please always consider that whenever you doubt your worth,

we’ve thanked God Almighty ever since the hour of your birth.

~

Finally, above all, when all is said and done,

our chief hope for you is that you can say you’ve won,

and as you look back one day, upon these hard days of pain,

our hope for you is that you’ll feel the sunshine after all the rain.

What happens when you have spent the whole day working hard, doing all the household chores and at the end of the day, you feel you deserve a rest. So you prop your feet up, pour yourself a glass of wine and plate yourself some fine cheese, and your spouse walks into the room and says, wow, you are truly enjoying the good life!

How will you feel? Will you laugh out loud at the audacity of your spouse? Who has been playing golf all day long?

Looking at this situation above, one could easily feel as if they have been taken for granted, and then judged. The spouse, on the other hand, could just be teasing. He may or may not have observed a cleaner and tidier home? It is hard to tell.

That’s the thing, it is so hard to know where other people are coming from when they pass comments as such when we are wrapped up in our own tiredness and our own experiences. It is easy to feel victimised.

A lot of the times when WE FEEL taken for granted, it is a feeling because we have not been acknowledged or validated. Perhaps nobody showed any thanks for a long time? It is easy to fall into this mode of misery when it happens.

Throwing a temper tantrum is not a solution obviously. Neither is making the decision to stop doing what you have been doing – because stopping means you are trying to punish the other party/parties, which means ultimately, you will only be punishing yourself.

The easiest and also the hardest thing to do for most people, is making their feelings known to others. It is so important to tell them, that you feel taken for granted, even if it is not their intention to do so. Tell them, that you would appreciate an acknowledgement or thank you every once in a while.

By showing gratitude, they are acknowledging that you matter and in turn, it will inspire you to do more and enjoy it more. It is a win-win situation. People, do not have this thinking: they should know better, they should thank me automatically and why do I have to remind them.

This sort of thinking is what makes matters worse. Yes, we acknowledge that people should know better, however, we all do get caught up in life. And if our emotional needs are not met, such as a simple validation from our loved ones, then we must make it known. If we cannot do this with our loved ones, how are we going to be able to better serve the rest of our community/world?

Asking for our emotional needs to be met puts us in a more vulnerable position, and we humans, tend to avoid this at all cost. Because we are afraid of being rejected. But asking for it also comes with big rewards — better communication, stronger connection, feeling validated, feeling loved, and it also gives the other party a chance to express their gratitude.