What happens when you have spent the whole day working hard, doing all the household chores and at the end of the day, you feel you deserve a rest. So you prop your feet up, pour yourself a glass of wine and plate yourself some fine cheese, and your spouse walks into the room and says, wow, you are truly enjoying the good life!
How will you feel? Will you laugh out loud at the audacity of your spouse? Who has been playing golf all day long?
Looking at this situation above, one could easily feel as if they have been taken for granted, and then judged. The spouse, on the other hand, could just be teasing. He may or may not have observed a cleaner and tidier home? It is hard to tell.
That’s the thing, it is so hard to know where other people are coming from when they pass comments as such when we are wrapped up in our own tiredness and our own experiences. It is easy to feel victimised.
A lot of the times when WE FEEL taken for granted, it is a feeling because we have not been acknowledged or validated. Perhaps nobody showed any thanks for a long time? It is easy to fall into this mode of misery when it happens.
Throwing a temper tantrum is not a solution obviously. Neither is making the decision to stop doing what you have been doing – because stopping means you are trying to punish the other party/parties, which means ultimately, you will only be punishing yourself.
The easiest and also the hardest thing to do for most people, is making their feelings known to others. It is so important to tell them, that you feel taken for granted, even if it is not their intention to do so. Tell them, that you would appreciate an acknowledgement or thank you every once in a while.
By showing gratitude, they are acknowledging that you matter and in turn, it will inspire you to do more and enjoy it more. It is a win-win situation. People, do not have this thinking: they should know better, they should thank me automatically and why do I have to remind them.
This sort of thinking is what makes matters worse. Yes, we acknowledge that people should know better, however, we all do get caught up in life. And if our emotional needs are not met, such as a simple validation from our loved ones, then we must make it known. If we cannot do this with our loved ones, how are we going to be able to better serve the rest of our community/world?
Asking for our emotional needs to be met puts us in a more vulnerable position, and we humans, tend to avoid this at all cost. Because we are afraid of being rejected. But asking for it also comes with big rewards — better communication, stronger connection, feeling validated, feeling loved, and it also gives the other party a chance to express their gratitude.